Men Are Pigs – Introduction

Men are Pigs. It’s hard to think of three words that pack more abusive punch when describing the disconnect between men and women. Women think men are pigs because all they think about is sex. Men think women are pigheaded because they refuse to acknowledge the critical importance of sex. If relegated to elephant-in-the-room status, this disconnect can poison and eventually terminate a relationship. You can’t wish away the differences between men and women, no matter how “enlightened” you may think such wishing might be.

I originally intended to call this book Pedestal Treatment. It was to be a collection of simple strategies to keep marital bonds warm. I wondered: what would happen if you got out of bed every morning and asked your spouse “What can I do to keep you one more day?”

As a serial entrepreneur in my 50s, I have had a long run of business success. My friends say that I’m obsessive compulsive. Others say I’m anal. But everyone agrees my success is due in large part to a knack for shrewdly analyzing business experiences and reaping potent lessons from them. I applied those same skills, strategies and perspectives to this book. So my approach is different from most writers who publish books in this vein.

I began by interviewing only men. As you can imagine most men my age are divorced. So I got some pretty good stories describing the ebb and flow of long-term relationships and what happens when things go wrong. I heard over and over about menopause for instance. Soon I began interviewing women.

In the early stages of my research, it became clear that this book was not about how to stay married. A different theme began to emerge. This was exciting because I realized a book about how to stay married would just be one in about 6,312 other books on the same subject. This book was going to stand out.

I don’t know that I necessarily discovered anything earth shattering. Though I found it odd that the stories women and men tell are strikingly similar. When you talk to men they say “Oh my God. All women are liars. They’re cheats. They’ve got baggage. They blow up my phone up with texts. They’re high maintenance.” When you talk to women they say, “Oh my God. All men are scoundrels. They’re cheats. They blow up my phone up with texts. They’re needy.” It’s roughly the same list.

But as I dug deeper, stark differences began to emerge. My first revelation was that God really did wire men and women differently. Strange that this should be a revelation. But much of polite society and far too many women are in denial of this fact. All of the men claimed they weren’t getting enough sex. All of the women claimed they were providing their men with plenty of sex. That’s one huge disconnect.

Fact: men want sex. Fact: most women simply don’t care all that much about sex, at least not to the same degree as men. Not even close. Yet strangely, most of the men I interviewed claimed they had–at one time or another—been with a woman who needed sex. Not wanted sex, needed sex. Regularly. There was something different about that woman, these men told me. She had a certain presence, an unusual set of personal quirks.

That’s when I discovered the Holy Grail. What’s the Holy Grail? It’s a collection of unique traits and behaviors possessed by women who truly need sex as revealed by the men who experienced them.

Think of the Holy Grail as a field guide for identifying women with enormous sexual appetites. If your relationships are rocked by vigorous and varied sexual activity on a regular basis—to whatever degree of intensity your heart desires (or can withstand)—be assured. There’s a woman out there for you.

But once you find her, you still have to keep her. That’s why this book has a practical component with tips on how to make your relationship better. Pigs even includes its own token or medallion system—similar to the reminder systems used in many successful treatment and self-help regimens–to help you develop habits that will keep the both of you coming back for more. For years. If you can stand it.

My second revelation was that people will tell you the darndest things–if you ask them. It’s amazing how blasé and uninterested many of us are in the world around us. No wonder we get bored with one another. Our lack of curiosity essentially creates a juicy jobs program for divorce lawyers and relationship counselors. Maybe this book will make them less necessary.

I also discovered Pretty Girl Syndrome, the existence of cell phones with selective text and voice options (synchronized to female fickleness), why women hate oral sex, and how to determine where a woman ranks on the scale of sexual interest etc, etc.

I gathered the information for this book over a 4-year period, conducting scores of interviews with dozens of men and women aged twenty-something to sixty-something. This book was written by a man–it’s from a man’s perspective. It’s not a scientific or formal research study. I tried to be objective, and I certainly got a lot of feedback from women. Yet the musk of male temperament saturates these pages.

The result will educate, entertain, and perhaps even repulse you. You likely won’t agree with everything I say in these pages, and that’s okay. Because if we all had the same preferences, we’d all be driving 4-door white Chevys, there’d be only one banker, one woman, we’d all be chasing them both, and she would really like it. The rest of us would really hate it. Oh, and, the banker would like it. Especially if that banker was a woman.

Oink oink.