Chapter 4: Sex, Sex, Sex

“Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.” — Woody Allen

“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, ‘I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.’ — Jerry Seinfeld

“You know why God is a man? Because if God was a woman she would have made sperm taste like chocolate.” – Comedienne Carrie Snow

Over the course of my research and interviews with both men and women, I began to notice a funny thing. All of the men I spoke with who were in a long-term relationship (with the exception of two lucky guys) said they weren’t getting enough sex. All of the women I interviewed said–without fail—that they loved sex. Some 30 percent of these women even said they wanted more sex.

So: All of the men aren’t getting enough sex. All of the women said they love sex and some wish they could get more sex. What is wrong with this picture?

There’s more. Most of the women said they were getting enough sex, but they didn’t seem aware (or care?) that their men wanted more sex. They thought their men were getting enough, thank you very much. And while the men were telling me they weren’t getting enough sex, they weren’t telling their wives or girlfriends they weren’t getting enough sex. So they drag their feet through their relationships unsatisfied. Or they cheat.

That’s one huge elephant in the room. It’s a big unspoken disconnect between expectations and reality. If the vast majority of men want more sex at the same time their women think these same men are getting plenty of sex and at least a few of these women wish they could get more sex, that’s not a simple case of miscommunication. That’s a communications disaster. (It’s also a lot of “sex” packed into two paragraphs, but that’s not important right now).

People aren’t talking. I don’t think that surprises anybody though.

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