Slow is Better Than Fast

I haven’t met or interviewed anyone who thought he or she was going to have a meaningful relationship with someone after having sex on the first date. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, but I believe it’s the exception.

Waiting can be a good strategy. Here’s why: Abstinence makes the loins grow fonder. For men, holding back also shows you aren’t completely ruled by your pork rind. It also adds a new, unexpected dimension to being aroused.

Kiss and embrace passionately as if you’re going to go for the wild thing and then ease back. It’ll freak her out. She’ll go wild for you. In this instant gratification culture, people forget the blinding power of sexual tension. It’s a huge turn-on, especially for women. It’s almost as if they prefer anticipation to gratification. When you finally do claw back the sheets, your restraint will yield huge returns.

Sex too early brings out too many emotions. It pulls out so many things, most of which you don’t necessarily want to experience with someone you’ve just met. Women tend to get that warm cuddly “Oh my god I think I’m in love” feeling after sex. For men it’s more like “Wow. I got off. That was great. Are you ready for some football?”

A good rule of thumb is to wait three or four dates before you take the plunge. Or more. Many men believe in the four-date rule though. If no sex by then, they are done. One man I interviewed had 13 dates before he had sex with the woman he was dating. And they’re still going strong four years later. For them 13 is a very lucky number.

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