Deal Breakers and Filters

The first step in determining who’s not wrong is to put the person through your own personal screening process: the deal breakers that earn someone the thumbs-down, and the filters that put him or her on notice. We all have our hot button annoyances, whether we admit it or not. Maybe we eliminate the guy who wears briefs, or reconsider the girl who takes forever to apply too much eye makeup.

Most women, for example, will not date a guy who is shorter than they are. By my estimate, some 60 percent of women absolutely will not consider someone whose final growth spurt doesn’t clear the top of her hairdo (Tom Cruise doesn’t get hit with this deal breaker for some reason).

So God be with you if you’re a short man. You’ve just been eliminated from 60 percent of your potential opportunities. It’s a huge problem for these women because there’s a great guy out there who is two inches shorter than they are (and maybe two inches longer than they imagine). We are all the same height in bed anyway.

You will have to decide which items are deal breakers. Make the list short. The rest are filters. Your personal list of deal breakers and filters might include the following (these are not in any particular order—everyone’s order will be different):

  • Race and/or ethnicity (This is much less of an issue among younger people.)
  • Religion
  • Prejudices
  • Smoking
  • Political party affiliation/ideology
  • Drug use
  • Pets
  • A criminal record
  • Age
  • And others… (more listed in book)


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